There's only one thing for it. We'll start with a description of a recent dream, and see where that takes us. I should clarify though - I tend to have what's left of other people's dreams. The ones nobody could be bothered having or that would be too confusing to tell anyone else about.
We were experiencing some sort of environmental catastrophe whereby the weather got worse and worse, and that was about it. Set in my hometown of Aberdeen (thus rendering the incredibly shit weather perfectly plausible), the lowest stratum of cloud was shooting across the sky super-fast and the wind was creating a deafeningly loud whistle, all of which looked and sounded impressive but in the context of the dream was bad news. My Dad got his hands on a rocket launcher but I don’t remember how that was going to help matters.
It was faintly disappointing to wake up and find that in fact my father hadn't tried to save the world by firing missiles at the weather.
If I could order dreams in advance, then tonight I would have a long and vivid dream the moral of which would be unavoidable - Always pay attention to what happens at the bottom of your legs if you put your socks on after you put your trousers on. Because this morning I did not pay attention and arrived at work with one trouser leg tucked into my sock.
So all the way in to work this morning I was one of those people that you see on your way in to work in the morning, and you look at them, and you think "come on mate, make an effort".
And with that, he finished his first ever blog entry.